[Sekaimo v1] Maria :: Please look at me - /001.

Here's the release that you've all been waiting for!

Translators: Kalkin

Proofreaders: Imoutolicious

Please enjoy.

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“This is wrong.”

I'm now inside a military transportation helicopter, inscribed with an ashen wolf insignia, heading back to the Blackhazel Manor.

Lily is sitting beside me, and to her opposite side are Maria and Dorothy, gazing absentmindedly outside the window.

Below us is the dark night sea, flowing as if to swallow everything inside its dark abyss, like the legendary Leviathan.

As the awkward silence continues on, Maria finally opens her mouth.

“What could you be referring to?”

She's not asking a question.

Or rather, she understands what I’m referring to. She’s referring as to why she can’t understand me.

“Back there… That wasn't normal at all...”

“There is nothing to feel strange about. Surely you don’t feel pity toward them, Onii-sama?”

“Pity, you say.”

I’m talking about pity here.

Be it Geneva Convention or whatnot, the fact that a human being died so miserably under pain and torture right in front of me. The weight that fact takes. The guilt. It has nothing to do with the fact that the said human being was part of an extremist group of terrorists. Just like a Möbius strip.

No, that fact that confuses me the most isn’t this.

“Alright, let’s say everything you’ve been saying is correct and all.”

Even so, I can’t accept this.

“Do you… really feel nothing with what just happened?”

“What do you mean by 'feel nothing'?”

So she’s not even aware of the problem here. That much? You’re basically saying something like this is just an everyday life for you?

I just can’t understand.

Anyone could see how twisted this is; it's a given.

“How can you even act so calm?”

“Because that was the best choice to take at the time.”

Best choice?

Torturing people with cruelty beyond imagination, when they were lying around helpless with no will to resist, breaking their limbs, and throwing a man begging for his life into the sea, was that really the best choice to make at the time?

“What happened back then had nothing to do with choices. It was just... indiscriminate sadism!”

Yes, from what I can tell, it was nothing more than insanity-driven violence.

Not more, not less.

“That’s you, and Lily was…”

“Lily is our agent working under Bandersnatch’s finest special force we take pride in. I think Onii-sama has forgotten, but Lily is a soldier, through-and-through.”

As if trying to say that is enough, Maria cuts across my sentence and retorts in a matter-of-factly tone.

Matter-of-factly.

An agent with her name registered under the multinational PMC Bandersnatch’s military computer database. In other words, she’s a soldier. There’s nothing wrong with her killing and torturing. It’s how she was trained.

Yes.

That attitude right there is the core of the problem right there.

“There’s nothing wrong because she’s a soldier. Is that what you're saying?”

“That's correct.”

I’m getting really frustrated. At the twisted logic of the Blackhazel, at this giant snowball of irony standing before me.

“Lily’s just a child that should still be in elementary school! And you, you think there’s nothing wrong with that because she’s a soldier?! Giving knives and guns to a child, training her to kill people – can you honestly say there’s nothing wrong with that?”

“Exactly so. I am glad you are seeing my point correctly.”

Exactly what does it mean to be a Blackhazel?

I knew nothing.

This world, this logic.

I’ve never heard of it, and I don’t want to.

“I've become... afraid of you.”

“!”

Why did I say that.

No, why I did I’m painfully aware of.

Maybe I knew by memories; the only thing I could do to Maria was not by using logic and reasoning against her, but against her heart.

《I could care less about the world. 》

“What, do you mean…?”

《The dead that condemns me in my dreams every night, the sea of blood from the bullet-riddled bodies we have killed, the weight of their grudge, and the fingers pointing the blame for the misery of the world; I do not care in the slightest.》

“I’m saying I’m afraid of you.”

《What I’m really afraid of is not my ugliness or the world’s blame, but…》

“That…!”

《...the rejection that will come from Onii-sama because of those things.》

As I expected, it hit straight to her heart.

Maria seems quite shocked by what I’ve said; she hangs her head, biting her lips.

“Why…?”

“Don’t you know why?”

“Those people, they inflicted injury upon my precious Onii-sama…! I only made sure they paid the price! Why, Onii-sama?! Why won't you recognize the feelings I hold for you?!”

“Feelings, you say.”

what kind of nonsense are you sprouting now.

“Don’t make me laugh. There’s no feelings here. Only your twisted sense of standard you view the world, filled with arrogance and ir…!”

Just when I was about to lose it and raise my voice.

Just then.

Dorothy, who was sitting there, silent and voiceless, stands up and slaps my cheeks with everything she has.

Not knowing why, I look up on Dorothy staring down on me.

“Dorothy…?”

Even for Maria, it must have been something she didn’t expect.

“Hmph! What an idiot. You don’t even know anything about the reality, but look at you hurting people hiding behind your so-called “kindness”. It’s like you’re the only person right in this world, adding morals, being noble, and whatnot just to make yourself look like a fancy saint!”

“What…?”

“Just wake up, you stupid idiot!”

“Dorothy, your words against our Onii-sama are out of line!”

Despite Maria’s words Dorothy continues on.

“Murder? Torture? So what! The reason you plebeians stay plebeians is always the same. All you do is complain and grumble, you never do anything to change it. Not like you have the ability to anyway!”

“Avoiding responsibilities now?! Wasn’t it your fault that all this mess was created to begin with?”

Your.

To be accurate, you and me.

It’s something that even the bonds of siblings can’t narrow any closer.

“What?! You stupid idiot, are…”

“…Stop.”

Just as when we were about to start shouting and let this escalate further...

Tired of our rambling, Lily speaks in a quiet but audible voice with her message.

“Fighting is, bad… So…”

“!”

“Geez, why did I even start this…”

With that, Dorothy breathes out a sigh, and turns her sight towards the window. Time has passed, and the silhouette of the sun disappearing into the Carpathian Mountains shadows in.

I’m unable to say a word, and all I can do is stare at Lily without focus.

Like a powerless doll.

◇    ◆    ◇

”How did things turn out this way…”

I lie on my bed staring at the ceiling, talking to no one in particular.

The hour hand on the clock is about to point somewhere around four.

Enveloping the Blackhazel Manor is a cold silence, something that could summon ghosts.

That being this way, the owner of the house Maria was out of the house to investigate the recent hijacking. Dorothy is shut in inside her room. And Lily was hard to find, because of her frequent nature to appear and disappear out of nowhere.

Everything is tangled up like a yarn; it feels very awkward around here. We didn’t resolve anything in the end, and it was my fault that things escalated this further.

Certainly, Maria has a point.

If you think about it, it was Maria’s quick thinking that saved us all, and Lily who was quick enough to act it out. No matter how it was done, I can’t deny that she saved us all.

With my life being on the line, the matter of revenge and how cruel it was is something I shouldn’t fuss about. She did save me, so I can’t say that it was smart for me to get angry and raise my voice against the person that saved my life.

“Goddamn it.”

Straightening my messy hair, I get out from the bed.

I’ll go drink a glass of cold water or something, was what I was thinking as I turned the doorknob and stepped outside. I walk outside and step forward a bit to reach the hallway.

Just then.

As soon as I approach the hallway, I hear someone.

I stop my feet and turn my head towards the source of the sound.

“Lily?”

It's Lily.

What could she be doing this late.

I crouch to Lily’s height, and Lily slowly turns her towards my direction. Like a wet mice, she struggles to raise her head to stare at me.

Judging by her sleepy face, it seems that Lily was sleeping here in the hallway.

Wait, what.

Now that I think about it, I never saw Lily around when I was sleeping.

I always assumed that she was sleeping in some other room, I really hope she hasn’t been sleeping out here out in this hallway.

“You, all this time, have you...?”

It’s been about a week since Lily has been on my bodyguard duty. I wasn’t the type to wake easily from my sleep, so it explains why I didn’t know about this.

But even so, leaving her like this.

“…Un-huh.”

My bad.

“Geez, you’ll catch a cold if you sleep in a place like this. Come inside, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

I softly pull on Lily’s arm, who was using her coat as a blanket.

“Uu, hauu…!”

And all of a sudden, a groan. Upon further examination, I find out that Lily’s right arm is swollen red rather unpleasantly.

“You, your arm?!”

I carefully wrap up her sleeves to reveal her arm.

Not good.

Starting from her shoulder joint, and ending at her elbow, it looks like her arm is in serious condition.

But how did she get this injury? From what I can remember, Lily didn’t get so much as a scratch from the fight before.

“Couldn’t be.”

Then I realize.

That Lily is only a twelve-year-old girl.

Yes. No matter what people say, Lily’s body is just that of a twelve-year old. With a body like that, it wouldn’t be strange that moving at supersonic speed and swinging a violin case at inhuman velocity would have complications on her body, regardless of what training she went through.

“it’s fine. This much… better later.”

“Geez, you idiot, does this look okay to you?”

Her dislocation seems to have been taken care of somehow. But the swelling hasn't gone away, and it’s not like human bones are lego pieces you can just rearrange to your liking.

Goddamn it, even I know that much.

“Just a sec, sit down right here.”

I forcefully sit Lily down and step outside of my room, then walk down the spiral metal stairway. Below is the lobby connected and the guest room with white tiger pelts as a carpet.

The inside is shaped in a question mark. The rooms are divided with the barriers up and below, branching like twigs.

Without any hesitation, I walk inside the room with the sign “toilet”, grab whichever towel was hanged near me, and wet it with cold water. And the next destination is the kitchen. I take the ice inside the fridge and crunch it up into smaller pieces, and wrap it around with the wet towel.

Instant cold pack, in a sense.

I re-enter my room, and Lily is sitting on the bed, her body slightly slanted. She’s blinking and staring my way.

“That, what…?”

Lily tilts her head in a quizzical manner, her body returning straight.

“Um, an emergency treatment to get rid of swelling, let’s say.”

I gently place the ice pack on Lily’s sleeveless arm.

“Hauu…!”

As I thought, the pain must be pretty severe. To relive her tensions, I massage the left side of her body, pressing softly on her muscles.

“When I was young,”

Glancing at Lily receiving my massage, purring like a kitten, I continue my story.

“My family went bankrupt, and my saint-of-a stepfather did nothing but go outside and get drunk.”

Wondering about what I’m about to say, Lily tilts her head.

“And what this maniac liked to do was beat me up with a beer bottle when I got home from school. That was… when I was in my 4th grade in elementary school?”

“….”

“Ahaha, there’s no need to have a serious expression like that.”

I wonder if I told her something I shouldn’t have, and I scratch my head in awkwardness.

“Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I’m pretty good at stuff like this. You can trust me.”

“You, maso…?”

“Did you really have to crack a joke at serious times like this.”

I ruffle Lily’s hair and chuckle slightly.

“Well for today, sleep in my bed. I’ll talk to Maria tomorrow to prepare a bed for you. From what I can tell, the only thing this house has is empty rooms.”

Lily nods her head and lies down on the bed just like that, obviously not disliking the suggestion.

I sit on the edge of the bed, watching Lily, and prepare to spend the rest of the night on the floor.

And then, Lily suddenly grabs and pulls on my shirt sleeve.

“Hmm?”

“Lily, want to sleep together…”

“Huh? Ahh, I see. Ahahaa.”

So you really are a child.

Thinking something along that line, I smile to myself.

Doesn’t the saying go “Seven years is when someone is all grown up”?^[1] It’s not like I particularly have a fetish for grade school girls wearing backpacks, but still.

Ah, I don’t even know.

Lily’s a twelve-year-old girl at best. It’s not like I’m committing a crime by sleeping next to her. On both of our sense of morality, I mean. Well, I don’t even know what “sense of morality” refers to but you get the point.

Lily is crawled up like a flea, glancing at me like I’m acting rather odd.

And Lily’s shape resembles something like a very needy puppy, needing care and attention. And I fall into the temptation to just hug her tightly.

Even though the reality is just the opposite.

---

TL: Random Korean proverb that I suck at explaining. Basically it means that someone is “of age” when they’re seven. ↩